Can meditation experience be harmful or bad?

An interesting discussion "Meditation as medication" between Robert Wright (Bloggingheads.tv, The Evolution of God, Nonzero) and Miguel Farias (Coventry University, The Buddha Pill) on the possible negative and positive effects of meditation. I think calling meditation effects positive or negative (or similar comparative adjectives) is something we shouldn't do. I think the whole point of meditation is to explore what the meditation experience is like for you. It is not bad or good, it is just an experience.

What we should remember about meditation is that as the famous quote says: “with great knowledge comes great responsibility” to everyone around us and to ourselves. Meditation doesn’t guarantee you will experience only good or bad things. Bad or good do not exist in Buddhism to begin with. There is no universal formula to attain liberation from suffering. There are only suggestions how to attain it.  Buddha says you are the final authority to judge if it works for you.

I have been practicing with Zen for some years as well as Vipassana more recently. Zen emphasizes you should not share your experiences with anyone but your teacher. I couldn’t understand that for a long time, but now I see the benefits of it. Now, after four years of Zen practice, I started to share my experience with other and it helps my practice.  However, with more practice I start seeing why Zen approach might be much more useful at least at the beginning of your practice. Zen tradition recognizes that your individual experiences are key and listening to other people experience might contaminate to your practice.

Not every practice is going to work for everyone and there is a not universal formula. However despite which tradition you choose to follow, what they all have in common the emphasis on the fact that you have a choice how you relate to our experiences. You have to discover for yourself what works for you. That is why there are so many traditions to begging with. Mindfulness is just one of the tools; for some it works and for some it doesn’t. I have no idea why in Western culture mindfulness is so popular in comparison with Zen or Tibetan tradition. Perhaps mindfulness has the less religious aspect to it and this attracts Westerners, but it is not a universal solution to every Westerner as it is sometimes presented.  However, independent of tradition, a good teacher (in any tradition) will be pointing out that individual experiences and your response to them are what matters and all advice you get is only a guideline. You are the one who makes the final decision.

It always puzzled me why do we expect that meditation will bring only good experiences? As Robert Wright says in the video some people come to meditation with a very troubled mind to begin with.  If you are troubled from the beginning why would you expect only good things will come out? Even if your mind is not troubled, you still will experience difficult feelings during the meditation (some bigger or smaller, but bad things happen to everyone).  In meditation, you will be put face to face with those experiences and you have no place to run. But here you need to ask yourself, why are you meditating? I agree with James Baraz that your meditation intention is extremely important. If your intention is to feel calm, I bet that when you experience for example an intense fear during meditation, it is very likely you will (to put it very bluntly) freak out. If your intention is to become wiser, then you might explore this fear and stay with it to understand it.

I agree that a good teacher is very important. As Robert says a good teacher for you might be a complete disaster for me. You need to find someone who resonates with you. A teacher there is to guide your practice. A teacher will tell you that meditation doesn’t guarantee you only good or bad experiences; the teacher will guide you to see all these emotions (or anything that arise during your meditation) for what they are. In meditation, you will learn to incline your mind towards being with that emotion and choosing your reaction to it. If someone has terrible experience during the meditation and ends up with for example a depression, maybe that means that person for the first time became aware of it and hopefully will be able to seek necessary help, if meditation doesn’t do the job. We can't however, claim that meditation per se causes depression, but of course, this is a possibility. Experimental studies should help to answer this question. A good teacher and remembering why you meditate could also help in such situations.

I am not knowledgeable enough to argue why people might commit suicide after the retreat. It is really sad to hear such things happen.  However, I think before we draw definite conclusions in such cases we again need to examine them by taking into account many different co-founding factors.  It is also important to keep in mind that in certain cases intensive retreat is not necessary the best thing to start your meditation practice with. At least in Zen tradition, you might not be advised to go to a retreat for a long time. Sometimes some people might benefit more from a regular sitting at home. 

We sometimes feel the need to meditate, but haven't yet fully understood why we want to do it. I think at least in Western culture we want to get the benefits of meditation immediately (today's "marketing" of meditation benefits makes people crave those immediate benefits), without fully understanding that a part of meditation is facing your very deep fears and very negative emotions. Some of these emotions we are not even aware of before we start exploring them. Meditation is a very hard work and a very long process before you start seeing any benefits at all. There are a lot of warnings in older Buddhist text what meditation can do to you if your mind is not ready. Before you start your meditation practice, ask yourself what your motivation to do the meditation is? Meditation can and will bring bad experiences as well as good ones.

Perhaps there was a very good reason why meditation was kept for monks only for a long time (and still is in some countries). Now, when it becomes available to everyone, it is more than ever important to ask yourself are you ready to discover what might be hiding in the deepest realms of your minds?  If your aim is just to be more relaxed, perhaps going to intensive retreat to explore the darkest corners of your mind is not necessary the most beneficial thing to do, at least not at the beginning of your practice. The mind is a big mystery and trying to explore it can be a very difficult journey. I agree that meditation can have good and bad sides, but it is like everything else. Most of us coffee keep awake, but there are people who don’t experience such effect and feel sleepy after a cup of coffee.  Thus, we can’t claim that drinking coffee will prevent everyone from sleeping. It is the same with meditation.  After all, it is all your own experience, it is not good or bad, it is a personal one and with practice, you learn to know what it is for you.  Saying that meditation will help or harm someone is the same as denying a need to meditate. The motivation to do or not to do should come from within. The only thing we can do as practitioners is to share our personal experience and let other people decide to if they want to follow the Buddha path.

Your response is your choice

A truly inspiring mediation at Nirondha on a warm evening of 21st July. Everyone is preparing for the meditation session with James Baraz on "Transforming Suffering into Happiness". Everyone suffers, so of course who doesn't want to be transformed! 

I was quite frustrate about certain things when I came for the meditation, so when James invited to observe our anger in our meditation I decided to give a try. Now, I thought, I will see anger for what it is. I will see how it really feels to be angry without judging this experience.

I was determined to give an end to that mystery of anger, but of course it wasn't that easy as I thought. My mind was wondering back and forth about different things, but finally for a second I got myself to look into my anger. To my surprise as soon as I truly looked at it, it was puff and gone. Of course, then I got angry and all judging: why can't I see my anger! And we are back to getting our mind to a present moment...everything is so brief.

After the meditation, James gave a lovely talk on "Non-Greed, Non-Hatred, Non-Delusion". I was trying to be mindful about the talk and it was touching my heart, but one thought was coming back: " What is he talking about? What hater, what judgement?! I was trying to observe it and  I found none!" And there it hit me. I haven't found it, but I thought I was angry!

After the truly inspiring talk, I asked James: "I am puzzled. I tried to stay with my anger, but I couldn't find where is it. It all seems to only exist in my thoughts. If don't thnink about it, there is nothing to observe. When I don't find the anger, I get all judgy about not having that anger". He interrupts me and with half smile says: " Don't you think you hit something proofed there"? 

Buddha says: nothing is permanent (1). It only now resonates with me what a Buddhist nun Yifa was saying at the Buddhism and Modern psychology course (2). She says when you get angry or experience other strong emotions you grasp to that feeling as it would be something real. In meditation, however, these feelings are revealed as not real. She gives this beautiful analogy of a strong emotion as a movie. If you start seeing this movie frame by frame, you observe that there is no movie. It is true for every emotion or feeling that arises in us.  It is beautiful said by Steven R. Covey: "between what happened to him, or the stimulus, and his response to it, was his freedom or power to choose that response" (3). 

References
1. The Three Basic Facts of Existence.I. Impermanence (Anicca) with a preface by Nyanaponika Thera, 2006.

2. Buddhist nun Yifa. Robert Wright, Buddhism and modern psychology. Lecture on Feeling and illusion. Coursera course, 2014.
3.  Covey, S. R. 1989. The 7 habits of highly effective people. Powerful lessons in personal change. Free Press, New York.

Exploring happiness. Reflection on the Awakening Joy workshop with James and Jane Baraz

Am I happy and am I grateful for all the things I have in my life? Do I make my happiness a number one priority in my life and if not, why not? These were the questions I asked myself after I left the Awakening Joy workshop with James and Jane Bazar in Helsinki today. Have I answered these questions after the workshop? Of course no, but I feel I am one step closer answering them. In every event, retreat or workshop I learn something new that help to deepen my practice. The rest I just let go. 

James Bazar opened the workshop by quoting Dalai Lama: ” The purpose of life is to be happy” and continued by saying that everything we do, we do because we want to be happy. We are even grumpy, because we want to be happy. We walk with a fake smile and try to please everyone around us, because we want people to like us and we want to be happy. However, this is the happiness outside ourselves and unfortunately it is usually not long lasting. But can we turn to ourselves and look for happiness inside us? Bazars’ say it is exactly where we need to look for it and be open for it when we find it.

If the only thing we do to be happy - just to look inside ourselves - why are so many of us still unhappy? We often look for and remember only bad things happening to us. As Jane Bazar says: “our mind is designed to grasp and keep bad experiences in our memory, because the ones that were only thinking everything will be good didn’t make to these days”. I agree with Jane, evolution likes jokes like these. We are watching out all the time, but we can also train our minds to notice good things. I really liked James’ idea we can incline our minds towards anything we want by just thinking that way. So you want to be grumpy and see bad things around you – think that way. If we always look for something bad to happen, we train our mind to notice more and more bad things around us. But if I try to look for good things then of course we will tend to observe more good in our life. Jane very accurately pointed out: “it takes practice for our mind to notice good things and positive experiences”. I couldn’t agree more.

We all have happiness inside us; we were born with it. James brings this point home nicely by showing everyone a photo of a happy baby. “That is why we like babies so much,” - says James. “They remind us of us”. To be happy you need to want to be happy. You need to find gratitude for good things and practice it. Practice happiness, don’t these two words resonate? Practice happiness. Practice happiness. Intention is what takes us to be happy. It really struck me how simple and yet difficult is to be happy: all you need is want to be happy.  Funny things is that we not always know what we really want.

I asked James:“ have you met people who can really say they know what happiness is? He asked me back: “what do you think” ? I don’t think many people know what it means to be happy. I certainly cannot always understand what it really means to be happy myself. “The highest happiness is peace” – says James. At the workshop, we were asked to imagine what happiness is for us and think about that as my happiness. People gave really many explanations what they think happiness is. All of the descriptions were unique and I must say rather abstract. Nobody said: having enough gold is my happiness (though I must say James tried to provoke us with the photo of the pretty women covered in gold). But then again, in different setting and context the answers might have been different. For me, happiness is hard to describe in one word. But if I try to describe what happiness is for me it is a feeling of stillness, calmness. It is like you are standing on the top of the mountain and overlooking a wonderful landscape of fall colors sinking into the calm rich clouds. It is like boundary between you and the experience was dissolved; you are one. 

Many interesting topics were discussed at the workshop. With some of them I fully agree and with others I am somehow more skeptical, but nonetheless I enjoyed the workshop. I hopeful I will be inspired to explore these topics in more detail in future. For now, the message I took home was that things will fall apart, you will get sick and bad things will happen to you, but if you are genuinely happy you will be alright. Suffering exists and you are not suffering because you are not good enough. Everyone suffers, but those who process the suffering they are not afraid of it. These people can see goodness in themselves and in others. If you practice kindness towards yourself and the world, you will find gratitude in everything and you will be happy. 

The joy of walking

"Your Steps Are Most Important" - Thich Nhat Hanh.

We so rarely appreciate the act of walking. We take it for granted (as many other things that are such wonderful gifts). We rush from one place to another, without noticing how we got there and what steps we have made. Walking meditation can help you to find a connection with the walking experience and remind you about the enjoy of just walking.

Thich Nhat Hanh. A Guide to Walking Meditation to get you started with the walking meditation.

And this one to take the concrete steps:

Become your own teacher - evaluate your meditation practice

If you are like me, you are meditating for sometime and don't have a teacher, you might be feeling at loss with your practice at the times. I agree with this article that it is important to challenge yourself and evaluate your practice; one must become one's own teacher.  The article helped me to find some answers to the questions I have been asking myself for sometime. Where am I going with my meditation? Do I need to change it? Do I need a teacher? Is there something missing in my practice? Am I being attached too much to the idea of "self"? Am I judging my practice too much?  

If you are asking similar questions and you can't decide, for example if you need a teacher or if the practice you practicing is the one you should be continuing, I highly recommend to read the article to evaluate your own practice. I wish you find your answers and hopefully the article helps you.

What the Buddha taught - the book review

I finished "What the Buddha taught book" by Walpola Rahula. It is an excellent book in many ways. A great summary of otherwise rather scattered topics in Buddhism. If you are a beginner and thinking where to find a good summary and clear introduction to Buddhism this book is a good choice. If this is your first time trying to read a book on Buddhism, you might need to refer to Wikipedia to have a simple explanation of certain topics. The great thing about the book is that this tiny volume will guide towards the most important concepts. So you shouldn't feel frustrated even if you need to look for less advanced explanations somewhere else.

The core concepts of Buddhism are the spinal cord of this book. Thus, the book at the times can get quite heavy if you are not familiar with some of the concepts. This can especially get tricky when the author starts criticizing other scholars. At the same time, if you are already somehow familiar with these concepts, you appreciate the clarification the author provides. As it is indeed so many of the interpretations of the same texts or teachings that many of them might even misguide your practice. The author clarifies many misunderstandings that are prominent especially in Western Buddhism culture. For example, what do you think when you hear word meditation? For many of us, it is sitting on a zafu in lotus and trying to concentrate on our breathing, or trying to observe your thoughts. Well, that is not what Buddha described as meditation. These things we now consider meditation are just tools to facilitate our meditation. A meditation which aims at your perfect mental health and brings your mind to see things as they really are. Of course, mediation is everything all the time, there is no break from it. It is just you decide what type of meditation you practice, but about this more in another post. 

Sometimes it might feel that Rahula is quite assertive with his position, but I think he gives quite a justified argument to support his statements. I also think he employs the slight assertive tone at the times to speak through the book as your teacher. He encourages you to open your mind and explore the concepts in the unspoiled light.

The thing I didn't really like about the book is the organization of the references. If I wish to read those original texts authors refers to in the book, it is almost impossible to track them down with the list provided. I guess you suppose to know what those abbreviations in the book stand for. 

All in all, despite my slight dissatisfaction with the reference list, I would give the book five starts. This book is not a one-time read. You will need to re-read it several times. I definitely intend to use this book as my base reference for many of my future posts and to advance my knowledge of Buddhism.

A bit more on not-self

Continuing the topic on not-self, I have contributed a post on not-self in the blog of Helsinki Meditation group in English. That blog post is as summary of the group's meeting where I was facilitating. The discussion was quite interesting and I was impressed to learn how many definitions and understandings people have on self. The post can be found here.