A truly inspiring mediation at Nirondha on a warm evening of 21st July. Everyone is preparing for the meditation session with James Baraz on "Transforming Suffering into Happiness". Everyone suffers, so of course who doesn't want to be transformed!
I was quite frustrate about certain things when I came for the meditation, so when James invited to observe our anger in our meditation I decided to give a try. Now, I thought, I will see anger for what it is. I will see how it really feels to be angry without judging this experience.
I was determined to give an end to that mystery of anger, but of course it wasn't that easy as I thought. My mind was wondering back and forth about different things, but finally for a second I got myself to look into my anger. To my surprise as soon as I truly looked at it, it was puff and gone. Of course, then I got angry and all judging: why can't I see my anger! And we are back to getting our mind to a present moment...everything is so brief.
After the meditation, James gave a lovely talk on "Non-Greed, Non-Hatred, Non-Delusion". I was trying to be mindful about the talk and it was touching my heart, but one thought was coming back: " What is he talking about? What hater, what judgement?! I was trying to observe it and I found none!" And there it hit me. I haven't found it, but I thought I was angry!
After the truly inspiring talk, I asked James: "I am puzzled. I tried to stay with my anger, but I couldn't find where is it. It all seems to only exist in my thoughts. If don't thnink about it, there is nothing to observe. When I don't find the anger, I get all judgy about not having that anger". He interrupts me and with half smile says: " Don't you think you hit something proofed there"?
Buddha says: nothing is permanent (1). It only now resonates with me what a Buddhist nun Yifa was saying at the Buddhism and Modern psychology course (2). She says when you get angry or experience other strong emotions you grasp to that feeling as it would be something real. In meditation, however, these feelings are revealed as not real. She gives this beautiful analogy of a strong emotion as a movie. If you start seeing this movie frame by frame, you observe that there is no movie. It is true for every emotion or feeling that arises in us. It is beautiful said by Steven R. Covey: "between what happened to him, or the stimulus, and his response to it, was his freedom or power to choose that response" (3).
References
1. The Three Basic Facts of Existence.I. Impermanence (Anicca) with a preface by Nyanaponika Thera, 2006.
3. Covey, S. R. 1989. The 7 habits of highly effective people. Powerful lessons in personal change. Free Press, New York.
